i miss you daddy, happy fathers day

when i was a kid, my dad would tell me "Pup, we are not like other families." i used to think, "yeah, so." i guess there were times i wanted to have a regular family, but i never really dwelled on that thought for too long. mostly i didn't really care about that. my family situation was what it was, and i had better things to do than worry about the average family dynamics. when i became a parent i realized he was confessing to me a feeling of inadequacy... when you become a mom/dad your world turns on its side, and you view everything a new. so i didn't have a normal childhood. fast forward forty years i can see clearly.... who the hell does? parents just do the best that they can. i have listened to people over the years making statements like "man, if i could go back i would..." yeah, i've never really been that person. first off i would never want to rewind and go back. i like right now, just fine :) and here is the deal, i couldn't be here right now if back then was different.

we all have lessons we need to learn and grow from... do you ever wonder why you find yourself in the same situation with different scenery? maybe its because you still haven't learned that particular lesson. its not bad or good, it just is.

my father taught me many things. there are many instances i wish i could talk to him again and have a conversation... i didn't always agree with my dad, and i never had to apologize for that. i am grateful and i miss him.

the universe will give and take away gifts (everything is temporary). even though i lost my father, i was given a son who looks and acts a lot like him :)

on fathers day my heart aches. most everyday i am an adult, but there are some days i am just a little girl who misses her pappy. today i'm grateful i had a father for as long as i did, because i know there are people out there who didn't. i am grateful for my family dynamics no matter how a like or not they were to other families. i am grateful for my fathers no nonsense approach and how hard he was on me, because i developed a strong back bone that has enabled me to speak my truth. i am grateful i was able to be strong for him when he was battling cancer.

i miss you daddy, happy fathers day.