you get at least one good wish a year. usually over a candle on your birthday cake. since i've entered my forties i have made it a point to have ALL the candles on my cake. i used to dread them... cringe even. these days i appreciate every little flame and it makes that wish a little more, i don't know, awesome.
i make wishes regularly... holding my breath, closing my eyes and saying my wish so loudly in my head. wishing. hoping. praying.
chapter 46
i entered this chapter with physical head-splitting, arms-legs-feet-hand-numbing, can hardly connect thoughts together-pain. i took my grin and bare it attitude to a whole new level. i had a ACDF (anterior cervical discectomy and fusion) in my neck. when i woke up from my alphabet soup surgery i first wiggled my toes because my biggest fear was paralysis-toes wiggled. then i opened my eyes. my first words were "THANK GOD." the pain was gone. i had new pain because of the procedure, but the old pain-gone. just like that i felt like myself and i knew the pain i was currently experiencing was temporary. my surgeon warned me the torn ligaments would take more time to heal but that pain-deep internal pain-gone.
now i could focus on healing, and focus on my growing family. my granddaughter decided to come into the world a lot early. pain happened again, emotional pain and worry. you know what? i also had hope, pure-honest-undiluted hope. every night i find sleep wishing-hoping-praying for her, for her parents, for her uncle and cousin. i wake up grateful, knowing all those wishful-hopeful-prayers are heard and answered.
this chapter has been, good. with all that has happened, its good. every blessing counted. every miracle bringing me to my knees with gratitude. trying to take nothing for granted.
Chapter 46 from Monybean on Vimeo.
2016 my word was light. light found me, especially when it was dark and twisty. i learned the light didn't aways shine through-i had to look for it-wait for it-believe it was there.
2017 is flow and the controlling side of me is still struggling. its okay. struggle sucks, i'm far from graceful with it, but its okay. its all part of the process, right?
my wish for my next chapter.... i can't tell you that! your not supposed to tell people your wishes ;)
well, happy last day of 46 to me :)
