today

i watched this about a year ago when i signed up for a self love e-course. i became a fan of brene brown right then and there. so i liked her facebook page and from time to time inspiration will pop up on my "news feed". today i'm reading "The Gift of Imperfection", taking notes in my notebook and writing quotes on post it's...

this self examination started in february 2010. i bought a used camera and began seeing my world through a lens. i created a blog and made a video. 365 days of my life recorded-i danced as though no one was looking. watching the video is like rereading my journal but to tom petty which is so much more cooler lol.

i've been looking at me- evaluating, taking inventory...

i'm trying it again, this time attempting to see me in different perspectives, through other peoples eyes. i've went so far as to ask three different coworkers a question. i wasn't sure i was ready to hear the answers, and to be honest i was a little (lot) scared.

"what behavior's do i exhibit when i'm uncertain?"

• the first person said "mon shut the door. whats going on?" after a short conversation he answered "you get flighty and then you organize".
• the second person said "you are usually very logical but when your uncertain you become more emotionally driven."
• the third person said "you become more withdrawn."

i took all of their answers seriously. i continue my journey of being me, attempting to live a life with my whole heart.

trying

holy crap where did february go? its a little month i know, but hell! i have debated all week wether or not to put its picture on a milk carton.

i am trying to catch up, keep up, hold up, chin up (breathe monyka and remember your freakin' word). my word sucks by the way and to say i'm struggling with it would be an understatement. i am really trying but find myself kicking and screaming and stomping my feet when i'm not digging in my heels... no judgement alright, i'm being honest here.  its a work in progress. simply complicating ANYTHING out of NOTHING is a talent i possess!

so where to go from here? i will continue to try. taking inventory of the changes i have made, and looking myself in the eye and saying "what you are doing is enough." maybe i should try to stand on my head again, in the spirit of changing my perspective (not gonna lie, i'm a little scared though).

below is a list of things i've noticed.
i have simply:

• NOT bought paper towels for almost a year.
• spent at least 15 minutes daily on the mat.
• went to vegas.
• seen p!nk.
• set a goal to see 13 shows in 2013 (dave matthews is on the list).
• danced in my bedroom while playing my air drums and guitar.
• stood on one foot, patted my head and rubbed my belly to see if i still could.
• found myself watching and listening to 80's movies and music.
• taken daily self portraits and journaled.
• continued to go grey (this is harder than it sounds)
• wondered when i will clear out my closets lol
• looked fear straight it the eye, dropped the eff-bomb, then pushed through it.
• stopped trying so hard :)

considering we are in the third month (with a missing one in the middle) not too shabby.

I just remind myself about the nike campaign of "just do it."

i loved this commercial!