Wednesday, January 1, 2014

simplifying in 2013

i started this year with an idea, one word - simplify

i attempted to create a 365 of me. the project morphed into more than just a photo a day... lots of pen to paper, with honest words in not so pretty handwriting-filling my art journal with mixed medium. this project helped me find, well, a new/old version of me. dusting off old dreams which inspired new dreams. once i noticed i was fighting the process in a self defeating sort of way, i let go... free falling into discovery. your perception is your reality. altering your reality is as simple as changing your mind. writing this it sounds simple-the process for me was more like one of the battle scenes in the lord of the rings... i must admit the view on the other side- epic.

letting go of ideas/ideals
  • accepting simple things
  • enjoying simple pleasures
  • leaning into simple moments
  • appreciating simple gestures
  • inhaling a simple breath
  • exhaling simple relief
  • surrendering to a simple plan
  • simply cutting myself some slack
okay maybe it wasn't simple in the beginning (or now)... however bumpy the process has been, i have committed to simply try.

this year has been filled with permission-

  • permission to be messy without guilt or shame
  • permission to let go of perfect
  • permission to fail
  • permission to have fun
  • permission to do what ever the hell i want to do :)

2013 has been filled with songs-lots and lots of songs. 13 shows in 2013. humming and grooving and singing and dancing to live melodies. i break into song-always :) its what i do-because life inspires me to sing (mostly off key) changing the words along the way and i'm not shy about it :)

this is the year:
  • i blew out 43 candles (literally) during a massive rain storm AND power outage.
  • i cut 16" of hair.
  • i lost twenty pounds.
  • julius and i started living alone, while having awesome neighbors :).
  • i planned an out of country trip. 
  • my mantra became "not my journey, not my journey, not my journey, not my journey" (when you are the parent of adult children, you'll get it).
  • i experienced vertigo for about 3 months. i never found out the cause, i just know i don't have a brain tumor or MS.
  • i stopped practicing yoga (mostly because of the vertigo thing BUT plan on picking it up again-not the vertigo but the yoga :) )
  • i celebrated my oldest sons 25th birthday which also means i have been a momma for a quarter of a freakin' century.
this year was full of life... it had peaks and valleys and success and struggle, full of tears and laughter, hope and despair, loss and gain, happy moments and fits of rage- in the really simple and genuine kinda way life happens. my personal growth has been the biggest accomplishment. tapping into all my senses- not just hearing, seeing, smelling or tasting.. but experiencing it, by how it makes me feel. doing more of what makes me feel good and less of what makes me feel not so good. spending more time connecting to and reflecting on the experience.

nothing is forever-NOTHING. coming to terms with the reality of everything being temporary, and appreciating its beautiful fragility. by taking self portraits nearly everyday and writing or painting regularly has allowed me the opportunity to be present, to be less judgmental/critical of myself and have proof of being here.

2013 from Monybean on Vimeo.


this year i have went through complicated to get to simple :) funny the way it is, if you think about it.

what does 2014 bring? i don't have a crystal ball-i do however have one word... my word for 2014 will be Dare. 

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